Corrupt a wish!

[Robert E Lee]

Granted, but you are a dead dragon.

I wish my hearing was better.

 

[Awesomeface1122]

Granted, but those assassins hate dragons. They kill you and your bunny.

I wish I was an assassin.

 

[Vitaris Liguritio]

Lmao, ok I will ruin both of your wishes then. 

Robert, your hearing becomes too great, and all of the noises around you are so loud that you can't decipher what anything is.

Awe, you become an assassin, but you are the Assassin from Assassins Creed that jumps into a Wagon of Hay and breaks his leg, and you must become a Skyrim Guard for the rest of you life, complaining about how you used to be an assassin. 

I wish I could be so fancy.

 

[Robert E Lee]

Granted, but you die before you know that you become fancy.

I wish my blanket wasn't breaking.

 

[Vitaris Liguritio]

Granted, but now it is burning instead.

I wish I had a thousand fluffy pillows.

 

[Robert E Lee]

Granted, but they are made with infected diseases.

I wish I could always find a pen that works when I want to.

 

[Vitaris Liguritio]

(Wait, the diseases are infected? )

Granted, but the pens are all in a light pink ink.

I wish I could be better at math.

 

[Robert E Lee]

Infectious diseases, w.e.

Granted, but you become too good at math, and figure out when the apocalypse is going to happen so you kill yourself so you don't have to tell anyone.

I wish my pink pens were all black ink. 

 

[Vitaris Liguritio]

Granted, but now none of them work.

I wish the apocalypse happened tomorrow. 

 

[Awesomeface1122]

Granted, but only you and a really annoying boy survive, and he kills you by eating you.

I wish I could slap you.

 

[Vitaris Liguritio]

(lol, but I already committed suicide, muahaha.)

Granted, but in return you get sent to jail for physical harassment and get slapped by all of the other inmates. 

I wish I could be invincible. 

 

[Robert E Lee]

Granted, but in return you are phased out of space and time for eternity.

I wish my jello comes out good.

 

[Vitaris Liguritio]

Granted, but there is only a cubic inch of it.

I wish I owned a zebra.

 

[Robert E Lee]

Granted, but it is just a painted horse.

I wish I had a tiger.

 

[Vitaris Liguritio]

Granted, but it attacks you, and sends you to the hospital for 8 years for surgical reparation. 

I wish I had a golden apple.

 

[Robert E Lee]

Granted, but the gold is just painted on.

I wish I had some BLTs.

 

[Vitaris Liguritio]

Granted, but the person who made it thought that the L stood for Liver.

I wish I had a pet mongoose. 

 

[Robert E Lee]

Granted, but its fat and bloated, and has diabeetus.

I wish I had a razor that was always sharp.

 

[Augustus Caesar]

Granted, but you accidentally slip and decapitate yourself

I wish I had a nuke so I can get rid of the UN. 

 

[Robert E Lee]

Granted, but it blows up in your face.

I wish I had a gladius.