(NSFW) What was your most shameful boner?
- Thread starter Kayser
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Kayser
Well-known member
For me, it was during a gym class. I had this crush that I wanted to ask out and I was practicing in my head how I was going to go about it. Sure enough I pooped one right in the middle of gym as we were doing our warm up exercises. Shit was obvious af and I had to not so subtly tame it as best I could. It was the topic of conversation between my friends for a good while.
Ryan Miller
Active member
One time in school, we had to line up side by side for team selections in a sport. It was physical education so I has shorts on. It all just happened and it was too noticeable. You can guess the rest of the story.
Rin
Oathkeeper
Kayser
Well-known member
Who said I am ashamed?
I see gym class has been a common factor in a couple of our entries now.
Chief Savage Man
Active member
When I was like 15, my parents made me go to a funeral for a great uncle. It was one of those awkward funerals where everybody knew the guy was a major league prick (beat his kids/wife, notorious cheater, hadn't spoken to his wife who lived in the same house as him for six years prior to his death) but also had to pretend everything was fine. On top of the general awkwardness and not giving a shit that this dude was dead, the service in the cemetery went on forever. Because it was a funeral and there were plenty of occasions to bow your head down, I got a lot of looks at the butt of the person in front of me, and the crux of this story is that the girl in front of me was my age or perhaps a few years older and had a GREAT butt. The combination of being bored and utterly uninterested in the ceremony and having essentially free reign to stare at this girl's butt led to a predictable result, and I ended up with a big woody. I'm not even sure how noticeable it was because in a situation like this, they all seem noticeable. I moved my hands from being clasped behind my back to being clasped over my package. Being a dopey kid, I kept trying to like press it down thinking that would make it go away but of course touching it in that situation just made it harder for longer and it didn't go away until the ceremony was over. I have no clue who the girl was, I know for certain she's not a cousin because I know all of my cousins and I am reasonably certain that she's not a relative of any kind because she had a more olive skin tone as opposed to the fair skintone of my people but I have literally hundreds of second and third cousins so its entirely possible I was ogling a shoestring relative of some type.
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Queen M
General of the Army of Bad Bitches and Badassitude
Lady boners happen internally so we're able to hide a lot better. However, I did watch this thing on TLC awhile back about this woman who can't stop herself from having orgasms, no matter where she is. It's a legit medical condition and looks embarrassing af.
Dabawss
Active member
ok so, before you all get all judgemental and pious and shit, I was adopted so there's NO chance of blood relations..... that said, the 1st time i seen my one aunt (I was 14 she was early 20's).... you know the one, everyone has them, the "hawt" aunt? yeah well, she was hoooooootttt and **boing** mister happy showed his approval and wanted to get a closer look lol
Micchan
Forum Fighter Guru
Kayser
Well-known member
I can't fault a man for recognizing a great butt. But ya, my family is similarly large af and we get together every so often in reunions. I can't lie and say every so often I find a distant relative that I have never met before and end up attracted to in some way. Comes with the territory of a big family.
I think I've seen the same thing. After thinking about it for a while and considering how I would feel if I had frequent, uncontrollable orgasms in public, I'd be so embarrassed. I felt so bad for her.
We all have that aunt bro, no worries.
This thread just escalated.
RedFive
Herald of the People
First off - sorry for the long story, but I'm betting you will think it is worth it.
My family has gone camping for a week every summer. Many of the other families that also went every year would occasionally have the kids bring a friend. When I was about 11, my cousin brought a friend who was a year younger than I, and it was immediately obvious she was crushing on me. Every year the same thing; she'd show up, and I would try to avoid her, she following me around, etc. When I was 15 I got a job and stopped going camping on that trip during the summers and I didn't see her until that magical day a few years later...
That magical day:
It had been almost two and a half years. I had recently turned 17 and running varsity for my cross country team. We went to a CC meet many hours away which required us to stay the night at a hotel. While I was preparing for our race, I thought I saw a familiar face... that girl from a few years ago, although taller and more grown up... a young woman... I swore it off, didn't think much of it, finished the warm up, and ran my race. After the race and awards ceremony, we went back to our hotel, showered, went to eat dinner, before returning back to our hotel which of course we immediately elected to use the sauna and pool a few times, as well as a whole shitload of ice that was put out by all the teams in the grass. we would go in the sauna, then roll in the ice before jumping in the pool. We did that a few times before we decided to sit in the hot tub. It had been a great day; not a lot of eye candy, so we just joked around, threw a ball back and forth, and made fun of each other. Suddenly, one of the guys said "holy shit - that candy is amazing"... him and two other guys could see her, and I could tell they agreed, me and the fifth had our back to the pool, so we couldn't see and you sure as hell can't turn around and look all at the same time. So... I took one of the little balls floating in the hot tub and flipped it up in the air making it land behind me so I could turn around and reach for it and get a peek in at the candy while I'm "reaching for that ball that was accidentally throw over my head"... I peeked, and In my head I thought "whoa, shit... that's Natalie... she has grown up!" Adam, the guy that first spotted her said "I call dibs" at which point I promptly knew he had no chance... Natalie had spotted me and I could tell she was coming to talk to me... I turned around and flipped the ball at Adam saying "you got no shot" with a smile on my face. Adam said, "man she's walking this way, I think she's coming to the hot tub, she's looking at me!" I couldn't tell him I knew it was for me. We went quiet as she stepped in to the hot tub and she sat between Adam and me. I was ready right then, thank god for those bubbles of the hot tub. She said, "how you guys doing tonight?" I was silent and Adam chirped up with his typical game thinking the interest was for him... he started talking about our team, "did you know we won the team competition today? ...we had four guys in the top twenty...", she said "oh yeah, I know. I was watching your team." and she looked at me with those beautiful eyes she always had, the only thing that was a little bit alluring to me many years earlier, but now they seemed so much more... I don't know, it was probably the lack of blood in my brain because of everything else she had going on... you know, those big beautiful... eyes... Anyway, she made some more small talk with everyone, before she leaned over to me and whispered in my ear "I'm in room 322, meet me there in 20 minutes" (I still remember the room number to this day - LOL). She got up and left the pool area at which point Adam, who was the only real player of the five of us pushed me all the way under water which was a struggle for me, because I didn't want them to know I was packing a rock in my pants, so I sort of rolled up in to the fetal position with my legs and my arms sprawled out trying to get my head above water. Adam said "what the hell did she say to you?", I told him the truth and he didn't believe me at all... no one did, they laughed... they all talked about "wanting to taste the candy" or whatever they were saying, and eventually they all decided to jump in the pool before going back to the sauna... in the meantime I waited in the hot tub to cool myself off... I don't think anyone believed me when I said it... and no one ever knew about my trip to her room... Let me explain (this is sort of embarrassing)... I returned to my room, showered quick and then went to her floor. I knocked on the door, which she promptly opened. I walked in her room and noticed her coach on a chair at the end of the hallway, but my mind was immediately drawn to a towel wrapped around her. The door closed and she dropped the towel... oh snap, its happening again...
A quick sidebar: At this point you may think it is going down the path of being a story straight out of penthouse, but unfortunately that was not the case... let me elaborate...
Within ten second, there was a knock on the door. Naked, Natalie pushed past me and checked the peep hole... "oh fuck, it's my coach" she whispered... "hide on the balcony!"... I tiptoed across to the sliding door opening it, going through, and closing it behind me... I made the decision to jump from one balcony to the next one over - which I did before crawling in to a ball out of sight behind the concrete wall. About thirty seconds later I could hear the door open, someone stepped out briefly, and then the door closed once again.. I was about to look or say something, but I choose not to... good thing, it apparently was the coach. Another thirty seconds went by and the door comes open again, Natalie whispered "Phil...". I got up and jumped across to her balcony... going back in to her room... "lets begin again" I said with increasing confidence. We both smiled and we kissed, and I thought damn it, this is going to happen!! I was pumped up. Literally. I was ready, she was naked, and... the door card swiper beeped, opening about three inches before the latch chain stopped the door. I thought "DAMN IT!!!" we both ran to the door, she said to her roommate who was trying to come in, give me a second, I'm changing" and she threw a towel on before pushing me in to the bathroom. She got the towel all the way around her and whispered to me when she closed the door "lay in the tub and leave when you can!" so I closed the shower curtain and laid in the wet tub... "FUCK" I thought... "this blows!" she let her roommate in the door, told her she just HAD to look out from the balcony and moved her towards the sliding door and out to the balcony... I snuck out the door. Her roommate apparently never noticed... I walked down the hallway with my penis tucked up in to my belt line, and my shirt and shorts covered with water... My "magical night" ended like a line of kids who were taking turns kicking me in the balls.
I never tasted that candy. I imagine it tasted like strawberries or skittles or something. I'm such a fucking loser.
My family has gone camping for a week every summer. Many of the other families that also went every year would occasionally have the kids bring a friend. When I was about 11, my cousin brought a friend who was a year younger than I, and it was immediately obvious she was crushing on me. Every year the same thing; she'd show up, and I would try to avoid her, she following me around, etc. When I was 15 I got a job and stopped going camping on that trip during the summers and I didn't see her until that magical day a few years later...
That magical day:
It had been almost two and a half years. I had recently turned 17 and running varsity for my cross country team. We went to a CC meet many hours away which required us to stay the night at a hotel. While I was preparing for our race, I thought I saw a familiar face... that girl from a few years ago, although taller and more grown up... a young woman... I swore it off, didn't think much of it, finished the warm up, and ran my race. After the race and awards ceremony, we went back to our hotel, showered, went to eat dinner, before returning back to our hotel which of course we immediately elected to use the sauna and pool a few times, as well as a whole shitload of ice that was put out by all the teams in the grass. we would go in the sauna, then roll in the ice before jumping in the pool. We did that a few times before we decided to sit in the hot tub. It had been a great day; not a lot of eye candy, so we just joked around, threw a ball back and forth, and made fun of each other. Suddenly, one of the guys said "holy shit - that candy is amazing"... him and two other guys could see her, and I could tell they agreed, me and the fifth had our back to the pool, so we couldn't see and you sure as hell can't turn around and look all at the same time. So... I took one of the little balls floating in the hot tub and flipped it up in the air making it land behind me so I could turn around and reach for it and get a peek in at the candy while I'm "reaching for that ball that was accidentally throw over my head"... I peeked, and In my head I thought "whoa, shit... that's Natalie... she has grown up!" Adam, the guy that first spotted her said "I call dibs" at which point I promptly knew he had no chance... Natalie had spotted me and I could tell she was coming to talk to me... I turned around and flipped the ball at Adam saying "you got no shot" with a smile on my face. Adam said, "man she's walking this way, I think she's coming to the hot tub, she's looking at me!" I couldn't tell him I knew it was for me. We went quiet as she stepped in to the hot tub and she sat between Adam and me. I was ready right then, thank god for those bubbles of the hot tub. She said, "how you guys doing tonight?" I was silent and Adam chirped up with his typical game thinking the interest was for him... he started talking about our team, "did you know we won the team competition today? ...we had four guys in the top twenty...", she said "oh yeah, I know. I was watching your team." and she looked at me with those beautiful eyes she always had, the only thing that was a little bit alluring to me many years earlier, but now they seemed so much more... I don't know, it was probably the lack of blood in my brain because of everything else she had going on... you know, those big beautiful... eyes... Anyway, she made some more small talk with everyone, before she leaned over to me and whispered in my ear "I'm in room 322, meet me there in 20 minutes" (I still remember the room number to this day - LOL). She got up and left the pool area at which point Adam, who was the only real player of the five of us pushed me all the way under water which was a struggle for me, because I didn't want them to know I was packing a rock in my pants, so I sort of rolled up in to the fetal position with my legs and my arms sprawled out trying to get my head above water. Adam said "what the hell did she say to you?", I told him the truth and he didn't believe me at all... no one did, they laughed... they all talked about "wanting to taste the candy" or whatever they were saying, and eventually they all decided to jump in the pool before going back to the sauna... in the meantime I waited in the hot tub to cool myself off... I don't think anyone believed me when I said it... and no one ever knew about my trip to her room... Let me explain (this is sort of embarrassing)... I returned to my room, showered quick and then went to her floor. I knocked on the door, which she promptly opened. I walked in her room and noticed her coach on a chair at the end of the hallway, but my mind was immediately drawn to a towel wrapped around her. The door closed and she dropped the towel... oh snap, its happening again...
A quick sidebar: At this point you may think it is going down the path of being a story straight out of penthouse, but unfortunately that was not the case... let me elaborate...
Within ten second, there was a knock on the door. Naked, Natalie pushed past me and checked the peep hole... "oh fuck, it's my coach" she whispered... "hide on the balcony!"... I tiptoed across to the sliding door opening it, going through, and closing it behind me... I made the decision to jump from one balcony to the next one over - which I did before crawling in to a ball out of sight behind the concrete wall. About thirty seconds later I could hear the door open, someone stepped out briefly, and then the door closed once again.. I was about to look or say something, but I choose not to... good thing, it apparently was the coach. Another thirty seconds went by and the door comes open again, Natalie whispered "Phil...". I got up and jumped across to her balcony... going back in to her room... "lets begin again" I said with increasing confidence. We both smiled and we kissed, and I thought damn it, this is going to happen!! I was pumped up. Literally. I was ready, she was naked, and... the door card swiper beeped, opening about three inches before the latch chain stopped the door. I thought "DAMN IT!!!" we both ran to the door, she said to her roommate who was trying to come in, give me a second, I'm changing" and she threw a towel on before pushing me in to the bathroom. She got the towel all the way around her and whispered to me when she closed the door "lay in the tub and leave when you can!" so I closed the shower curtain and laid in the wet tub... "FUCK" I thought... "this blows!" she let her roommate in the door, told her she just HAD to look out from the balcony and moved her towards the sliding door and out to the balcony... I snuck out the door. Her roommate apparently never noticed... I walked down the hallway with my penis tucked up in to my belt line, and my shirt and shorts covered with water... My "magical night" ended like a line of kids who were taking turns kicking me in the balls.
I never tasted that candy. I imagine it tasted like strawberries or skittles or something. I'm such a fucking loser.
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schirminator
Herald of Growth
RedFive
Herald of the People
Hell no! ...and she won't... so long as Smith doesn't tell her. Damn it... this is going to be a problem.