Gaston!
Why Gaston?
•No one's slick as Gaston
•No one's quick as Gaston
•No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
•There’s no man in town half as manly, he’s perfect, a pure paragon!
•No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
•As a specimen he’s intimidating
•No one fights like Gaston
•No one douses lights like Gaston
•In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
•He’s got biceps to spare
•Not a bit of hims scraggly or scrawny
•Every last inch of him’s covered in hair
•No one hits like Gaston
•No one matches wits like Gaston
•In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
•He’s especially good at expectorating
•He used to eat 4 dozen eggs now he eats 5 dozen eggs
•He’s roughly the size of a barge
•No one shoots like Gaston
•No one makes beauts like Gaston
•No one goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
•He uses antlers in all of his decorating